Good News and Bad

We found out yesterday where L has been given a specialised school place and we were delighted to hear it was where we had asked for. I decided very early on in L's life that I would keep him in mainstream wherever I could. I believe children with autism need to be around their typical peers as much as possible and separating them isn't the answer. Of course autism is a spectrum and there are varying levels of difficulty with it and some children with autism would simply not cope in a mainstream environment. Despite L's lack of social skills he does enjoy being around other children but lacks the instinctive nature or know-how to make friends. We applied for a relatively local mainstream primary school which has an autism unit and L will start there in August next year. School is such a huge part of a child's life and while I'm a little nervous about our decision, I know it's the right one.

My mind has been very preoccupied with other things recently. R has been attending the hospital for a squint in her eyes and at her appointment last week the doctor was concerned there may be more to it and is sending her for further tests. Among other things, they want to check her brain to make sure there is nothing nasty in there. He did say most cases where congenital but as her mum, I now have this horrible black cloud over me where I just need to know she is alright. I remember the worry I felt when I realised L had autism but this is taking things to a whole new level. All of a sudden autism pales massively into significance. The appointment itself was pretty brutal. Two hours where R was very patient and as good as gold, but as she kept trying to grab the torch while her eyes were being checked, it was decided it would be best to clamp her eyes open so the doctor could see them properly. She was swaddled in a blanket and held down on a table while metal clamps were inserted in her eyes. It was over in a couple of minutes but watching her cry when there was nothing I could do was incredibly painful and I cried myself on and off for the rest of the day.

I feel pretty drained at the minute and not quite sure how much more my emotions can take but since Christmas is only a week away I'm holding it together for the sake of an excited 4 year old. R's next appointment is already in for next month and I'm hoping for some good news so I can shift some of this anxiety. My baby girl has to be ok. There is simply no alternative.