Another Year Over

Christmas Eve is such a magical day. The anticipation of Christmas Day and what it will bring is so very exciting for children and adults alike. Sprinkling reindeer dust, leaving out cookies/milk/alcohol/carrots (delete as appropriate!) for Santa and his Reindeer, watching the night sky for a glimpse of his sleigh and snuggling under the duvet knowing that it's finally only one more sleep is just all part and parcel of childhood. But most children with autism don't share the excitement that other kids do. They aren't fussed about going to see Santa, they don't care about presents, in fact the whole day can be very stressful for children with autism. Having too many people around, in their faces, making too much noise, being out of routine - these things can be very overwhelming for a child on the spectrum and meltdowns can occur because of this making the whole day upsetting for everyone involved. L's senses don't ever seem to get too overwhelmed in these circumstances but I was on high alert during the day, making sure I kept a close eye on him and luckily he was fine and coped well during a very busy day. He has been a bit out of sorts the last few days and I think the festivities and him being out of his normal routine is taking its toll a bit so my mum suggested taking him out today while she looked after R, so me and L got the train into town which was an absolute treat for him. We wandered around the toy shop, played on the escalators (a bit of an obsession with L) and had a McDonalds lunch before getting the train back. It was lovely to spend some quality time together.

Things with L are pretty much on an even keel at the minute. With his school place now sorted things are going well and I'm not expecting any surprises. The focus of my worry has now switched to R and waiting to go to her next appointment. I can't shake the horrible anxiety that what we initially thought was a squint in her eye is potentially something a lot more serious. The mere thought of what it could be makes me feel horribly sick to my stomach and I'm trying to stay in a positive frame of mind but the anxiety continually creeps in. It certainly puts autism back in perspective, as upsetting as it was at the time, autism isn't life threatening. I knew there was a chance R would also have autism but it never really entered my mind there may be anything else we would have to deal with.  I feel like I seem to spend my time waiting and worrying about my children and sometimes it is so exhausting. I often wonder what other people worry about, and how lovely it must be to not be stressing over these things. It does grate on me when people complain and moan about the most trivial things. I want to scream at them that they don't know how lucky they are, but I don't of course. Who gets to decide whose problems are worse than someone else's? Unless you have walked in someone else's shoes then you can never know just how they are feeling. Everyone has stress in their lives. But as we come to the end of another year, try and stop and take notice of what you have in
your life, count each and every one of your blessings because you never know when things can
suddenly be turned upside down and how your life can change in an instant. Next time you want to moan, just smile instead. And before you go to bed tonight give your babies a kiss and be thankful you have them because a lot of people would give their right arms to have what you have.

And of course have a lovely 2014!